Childhood Friend

I broke up with my fiance just last month, New Year's Day. I know I am an adshole for that but I cannot keep trying to hold him while he keeps chipping away the pieces of my sanity.

I agreed with him (fiance) to remain friends, see if we could rebuild our relationship slowly that way. But after he indirectly called me a liar and a cheater just because I ate cake and sipped wine at work, I know I needed to ghost him. Blocked him completely from my life.

I didn't think much of it. I mean, I thought, he would get it. I literally told him every reason why I cannot stay and asked him not to destroy me anymore. I guess he still thinks he could win me back like he did every other time.

Then he started all of my friends and started messaging them of my whereabouts. And not just my activate friends right now, even friends I barely interacted with. So I have no choice but to tell to everyone, my fiance and I were done and if he keeps harassing them, to block him.

I also sent him a long direct unapologetic message about how I no longer love him and all I feel for him is resentment and to stop harassing my friends.

Of course, that didn't go well. He berated me. Accused me of finding someone new and throwing him away. The classic guilt trip. Actually, I almost swayed but I remember why I shouldn't. 

You might be asking now, Icarus. Why am I saying this?

I guess, I'll get to the point. When a certain childhood friend found out that I am now single, he actively moved back to his parents house and now pursuing me.

It would have flattered me if not for something he did back in 2017. I don't even understand how confident he is to appear in front of me again. Fuck,  I wanna smash his face.

Sorry, something happened earlier that's why I am writing this. He, CF, started telling I am still not over you Icarus and he started making rude comments. And our friends thought it was funny. Sweet even!

I know I shouldn't but I hit his balls. Then land a punch on his jaw. I would have continued hitting him if I didn't remember we were on a wake.

He screamed at me how no one would love me anymore. How pathetic I was to still be in love with.

I am not in love with, I was once, years and years ago but now you are just an idea, a ghost.

And it maddens me how he or anyone can say those things like I didn't try to find love. Fuck it. I don't want love anymore.

My childhood friend probably doesn't even love me. He just want to fuck me and stroke his ego. Break me and turn me into his pet and once I am broken. He'll leave like an country already conquered and ravished so I lost my value.

Everything is still new so I am here, in a hidden corner of a bookstore. Huddled and crying.

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